Yes, Karma is a real bitch.

halo semua.. saya ga tau harus mulai darimana. namun saya merasakan hal yang sama seperti yang dialami seseorang dulu.. sebelumnya maaf saya pindahkan kata-kata dibwh ini dari blog dia..

yes baby, to all of you who doesn't know about this thing.
karma is a real b*itch, really. and i don't say this out of nowhere. i say this because i AM feeling it now.


i don't know, maybe this is a karma because i literally ignoring (sorry) my bf for a couple of weeks (or months i guess). but really it's not as bad as you think. but really this karma b*tch slammed me to the wall and start punching me in just one place, it keeps punching at my heart..



yes yes yes, the only karma bitch wants is my pain. really, it's a huge pain. i never even cried so hard in my life. ever cried until you feel that your eyes sting, your lungs wanna give out and your head feel like it better explode? yeah baby that's what i feeling last night.



yes this is a karma, i really sure about it. why? because this time it's like me and my bf switch role. yesterday i was the ignorant one and then BAM! suddenly today i'm crying all night long. now my bf is ignoring me. so yeah, karma's a bitch.



and then i started to realize that might be this is the way my bf felt when i ignore him. hopeless, sad, angry, disappointed, and scared at the same time. and when i thought it over again, maybe i deserve it. maybe i must feel his pain too. heck, maybe his pain is bigger than mine. yes i think i deserve it because i've been an ignorant bitch for 5 months, making him sad and all horrible things i did. how i wish i could turn back time. but the damage is done and all i can do is fix it, or at least try.


and my stress is piling here. and due to constant hard crying, my sinus come up again, and this time worse than ever. and i eat a little to no food. so i think i got my gastric problem again. and about that genetic disease, dont even start with it i dont wanna know about it. and my skin is paler. even my grandma said i look like a corpse -___-


and now i'm sitting here, typing a blog to think it all over again. and try to make him not ignorant again, the same way he did to me. well he couldn't believe that i can change my attitude in just ONEDAY, yes it's hard to believe isn't it? maybe he already too dissapointed at me but all i can do now is just sitting here and pray so he wont go and leave me here.




the only thing i can say to him is "sorry". sorrysorrysorrysorry all over again.





i think i might die of lungs failure if i continue to cry like this everyday.





oh and don't forget heart attack because of the stress.

mungkin ini sama seperti note note di handphone yang saya buat. tapi ini yang aku rasain skrg. am i not worthed to you to fighting for? after all we've been through. mungkin dulu aku salah.. aku ga ngerasain bagaimana rasanya.. tp skrg aku ngerasain,walau pengen untuk ga kepikiran. namun pasti disaat ini yang ada di pikiran aku cm kamu. dan aku salah dulu ingin berpisah dengan kamu dikarenakan hal ga penting sama sekali. karena ingin bebas dan memikirkan diri sendiri. dan mungkin ini balasan dimana saya dulu menghindar jika ingin diajak bertemu karena saya tidak mempunyai uang. aku malu jika kamu yang harus mengeluarkan uang. tetapi kamu memberitahu saya kata yg terus saya ingat yang berbunyi seperti "saya cinta kamu bahkan meski kamu tidak mempunyai apa2"

dan BUM! XD disinilah semua terjadi lagi.. mungkin ini juga karma.. yang saya harus rasakan apa yang pernah dia rasakan dulu.. i know i deserve it too,all i can do is pray every night and day. and just like that lyric "And I pray for the strength to stand today" i hope you understand. jika saat 12 september itu aku tetap cuek,walau km terus cb hubungin aku.dan aku merespon kabar dari kamu lama,tidak membalas wall kamu,atau bahkan lupa jika kamu menulis blog untuk aku dulu. mungkin rasanya panik,takut,was-was,seperti "maw mati saja rasanya" dan aku tau pasti rasanya sakit sekali.sama seperti skrg. itu yang aku rasain skrg. dan saya cm bs menulis blog ini tidak tahu ingin berbuat apa. karena selain sulit sekali untuk tidur akhir-akhir ini,saya jg tidak nafsu makan seperti biasanya.saya pun menyadari bahwa saya sedikit kurus dari sebelumnya. mungkin efek dari banyak pikiran dan ga bs jaga kesehatan. apalagi sbtr lagi saya akan menghadapi UTS. and i really need someone who suipport me. i think my life will turned into ash if she really leave me..  and now all i can do now is just sitting here and pray so she wont go and leave me here. just like she did. sorry for bad english.. sebelum berangkat kuliah ini saya pun tidak dapat menahan diri menangis :") and this song is remind me to our past :) when our love is strong..

When Somebody Loved Me
when somebody loved me
everything was beautiful
every hour we spent together
lives within my heart

and when she was sad
i was there to dry her tears
and when she was happy so was i
when she loved me

through the summer and the fall
we had each other that was all
just she and i together like it was ment to be

and when she was lonley
i was there to comfort her
and i knew that she loved me

so the years went
by i stayed the same
but she began to drift away
i was left alone
but still i waited for the day
when she'd say i will always love you

lonley and forgotten
i never thought she'd look my way
when she smiled at me
and held me
just like she used to do
like she loved me
when she loved me

when somebody loved me
everything was beautiful
every hour we spent together
lives within my heart
when she loved me.

fyi : the blue one is my word : Latios the red one is her word : Latias